That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
