OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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