You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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