tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
