i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
