yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
