That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
