where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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