she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
