I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize