How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
