i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
