i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
