I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
