You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
