i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
