im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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