How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize