super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
