thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
