May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
