every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ketchup is God's man juice
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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