Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
