You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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