ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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