i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
