Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
