She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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