If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
