I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
