OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
