I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
