the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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