it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
