just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
