I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
