you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
