one two three fourrrrnication!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
