Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
