my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
