wanna go halves on a baby?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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