I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
