I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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