i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
