is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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