Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize