I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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