Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
a search helicopter?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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