He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
