Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
