That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
