I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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