the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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