I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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