wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
