I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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