Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
