Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize