if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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