Someone shit on the floor
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
