you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
