Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
