She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
