you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
