You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
