cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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