I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
