She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
