I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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