oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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