i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
