Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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