Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
