just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
