my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just threw up on my dentist
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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