and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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