I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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