Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
