Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
