And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
