Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
