I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
